Love across the ages: Couples share stories from marriages

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Ray and Laverne Mealy hold hands during a recent visit at the St. Croix Health Center. The couple has been married nearly 65 years and offers advice for staying together.
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Doris and Vern Nelson
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Maggie and Peter Westmoreland

Talk about it

In honor of the upcoming Valentine's Day, the New Richmond News asked three couples their secrets for a happy marriage. Two of the couples had been married for over 65 years; the third has been married one month (and counting).

Although their experiences are vastly different, their approach to their marriages are similar.

Ray and Laverne Mealy — married November 23, 1946.

Ray lives at the St. Croix County Health Center since having a stroke a couple years ago. Laverne lives in a nearby apartment and comes to visit Ray each day.

“We met in 1944,” Ray began.

“No,” corrected Laverne. “I graduated in 1944 and we went together all through high school. We met in 1940.”

They recalled how they were able to go out on a date for $1, especially since hamburgers cost 10 cents and movies were about 20 cents. They also liked to dance: fox trot, polkas and waltzes.

When asked what attracted them to each other, Ray did not hesitate.

“She’s good-looking.”

He proposed at his grandmother’s house and they were married while he was on furlough from the USAF in Nov. 1946. After the wedding, he went overseas to Japan for two years.

“I only got five days with her,” he said.

“I was living with an uncle in the Twin Cities and working while he was gone,” she said. “We didn’t set up housekeeping until he was home for good.”

Over the next few decades, they had five children and although they had a lot of celebrations, they admit there were challenges as well.

Ray is a recovering alcoholic, and uses his experience as a counselor to help others.

NRN: How do you handle arguments?

LAVERNE: We don’t have any. He’s never talked bad about me and we never even thought about divorce.

RAY: We always communicate, except when I’m buying her something.

NRN: What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?

LAVERNE: “He bought me 58 roses last year.” One for each year he did not buy her a rose.

RAY: She stayed with me.

NRN: What do you love most about your spouse?

RAY: She is very loving and caring. I don’t have to be anything but myself. She takes care of me.

LAVERNE: He’s very faithful and loving.

NRN: What is the best advice you can give someone about having a happy marriage?

RAY: Talk to each other. Don’t slander. Don’t be scared to talk about anything. Be truthful.

LAVERNE: Honesty is very important.

Vern and Doris Nelson — married May 28, 1944.

Vern and Doris have been living in an assisted living apartment at the Deerfield for about 1 1/2 years. Their sisters were friends, so Vern and Doris got to know each other gradually. They both had a love of music, and their date nights would include various family members all going out to a dance.

“We dated a couple of years and we never went out alone,” recalled Vern.

“We had the whole family with us,” added Doris.”

Vern was born and raised on a farm in Star Prairie. As a lifetime farmer, he only stopped milking cows when he was about 80 years old and had injured his back. Doris started out doing housekeeping for families in Stillwater, Minn., but eventually stayed home to raise their six children – three boys and three girls.

They both agreed that Vern tended to be more outgoing and active in the community, while Doris stayed home and managed the household.

“If she said the freezer we had wasn’t big enough, we’d get another freezer,” said Vern. “And neither of them were ever empty.”

NRN: How do you handle arguments?

VERN: There’s bound to be arguments, but you have to be honest. Nowadays a ‘friendly’ argument ends in divorce.

NRN: What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?

VERN: I took her to a horse-pulling contest, but that was more my hobby.

NRN: What do you love the most about your spouse?

DORIS: He’s a great man. He’s supportive of the kids and me. He doesn’t get mad.

VERN: She’s my lifetime partner.

NRN: What is the best advice you can give someone about having a happy marriage?

VERN: The tongue is the worst weapon. Settle disagreements; don’t just look to divorce.

Peter and Maggie Westmoreland — married Dec. 31, 2010.

Maggie is a 2006 graduate of New Richmond High School and Peter is from Stillwater. They met at the New Richmond United Methodist Church through a canoe trip that Peter organized back in 2009. The weather that day was chilly, so only Maggie and another friend showed up.

“It was cold and windy that day in May,” said Maggie.

“It wasn’t that cold,” Peter added with a slight smile.

“It was freezing,” laughed Maggie.

Maggie was working two part-time jobs, going to school full-time to get a business degree, and raising her infant son, Gunnar, at the time she met Peter. Peter was in between jobs as a welder, so he was able to help her prior to finding his current job. They are now expecting a baby girl later this year.

NRN: How do you handle arguments?

MAGGIE: If there is an issue, we put it on the table and talk about it.

NRN: What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?

PETER: I proposed to her in a canoe under a full moon. That was the goal anyway. There was heavy cloud cover and a storm coming. But when I asked the question, the clouds did part a little.

MAGGIE: Wow, I haven’t done too much yet. I do make him coffee in the morning, and I don’t even drink coffee.

NRN: What do you love the most about your spouse?

MAGGIE: His kind-heartedness. He is very kind.

PETER: I love how outgoing she is. She doesn’t worry about what others think; she’s her own person.

NRN: What is the best advice you can give someone about having a happy marriage?

PETER: Be open and honest and have no fear.

MAGGIE: Have fun; don’t always be so serious.

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